Its a skill I lacked and to a point I still do but I look back over the past two years and see how if my EQ was higher it would be different.
I look back as a learning exercise and not what might have been.
I allow my emotions to make decisions now and before that I was in denial of any emotions, I need to find the middle ground. I sort of know what I need to do I just need to learn how to do it, its taking 2 mins thinking time before any action. I miss too may moment in life for rushing or make silly mistakes that make me look less competent than I actual am.
My job depends on my grasping of a high level of EQ and relativity quickly before I am left behind. I also need it to finish my closure on my past as I still have a slight urge to cause carnage for my ex just to make a point. This suggest to me that my EQ is still lower than it needs to be.
I’ve used all my tools to relax and give myself closure on my past with my ex and it worked really well. It was hard to get it right but I believe its the best break up I have ever done, it didn’t end with the usual carnage.
Its impossible that we can ever be together as I have no time for that any more in life and its pleasing to feel the last bit of emotions flow through me. I’ve labelled the emotions the last piece of the mind jigsaw that lets it all go. I have wrestled with how to find closure for a few weeks and in the end I contacted my ex to get it. I appreciate this is pure act of selfishness but she doesn’t need to know that and it got me my answers I wanted. I used her to just answer questions for me and show me she was the same person I thought she was and she didn’t disappoint.
We text for about week and she was happy to give me details on what would happen if we met up for a bite to eat and then revealed shes been dating someone for a couple of weeks. I have to admit I feel sorry for the guy dating her while she texts that intimate information to her ex, I personally got a lot of answers from her behaviour but it reminded me of why I don’t need to be there.
All in all I now have what I wanted and I’m able to hold my head up high and walk on knowing that I am even better than I was before October 2016.
No matter how much support you can have or how hard you work, its a constant battle to not let your mental health voice talk loudest in your head.
I am 95% of the way to recovering from last summer events but the last 5% is still work in progress and I’ve requested some more support to push me to the end.
My recent changes are to overhaul my diet and I now eat as standard a healthy meal every time I eat with very few treats. This has already having a positive effect on my state of mind, even when I’m ill I have new level of energy. The next change was to decide on being single and be happy about it too, its allowing me to make the changes I need to get the last 5% done. I lost my mental health parrot for a while by getting in to a pointless relationship but now I’ve found my parrot again. Its taking me back to the day where I was really strong in my mind and able to be clear in my thinking.
I had one silly niggling problem which I have decided I have to go backwards to go forwards on and will for now leave that as that, all I will add is going backwards is acceptable if its swiftly followed by a forward movement.
When we have unhealthy thoughts we have to take our time to not act or believe in them as they are not what you think. The reality is often very different from the thoughts you have and its almost about rewiring your brain to understand this and kill the thoughts seed before it grows.
Its been a while since I wrote a blog and its probably not a surprise I fell over and was advised to go back in to a mental health program. I will start my support again in the near future as I’ve clearly not been able to put all my coping mechanisms in place with out a stumble. I’ve had a awkward start to the year and in the end I just got run down and had to take a week off work, In that week I’ve made some positive changes.
I got my home in order, finances and personal life all now pointing in the right direction.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that there is no escape from fitness and eating healthier as its a subject that always gets mentioned and I give the same answer. I dont do any and I love a trip to the chip shop.
In the past 24 hours I’ve looked for food patterns I can follow like a F1 drivers, sportsperson or business persons. I favoured the F1 diet and I’ve found Spinach and now practising how many different ways to add in to my day, I also loving eggs in different forms too. I’ve set my self a 7 day target to eat this way without going back to fatty foods and to try new foods along the way. The personal goal is to be lighter on my feet where I go to the gym with some feeling I wont die by doing so.
I hope that this change will also assist my mental health and create a solid and robust routine to my life.
I had a few outstanding issues left over from the last year and my life had just started to stumble a little.
I couldn’t get my ex out of my head and I needed to work out of if she was the part of my future or not. It turned out to be a very useful but painful idea that gave me the answer I wanted. I consider that to be my past and I have no reason to go back to someone who clearly is not for me. It leaves me one outstanding issue with the person who was taking the piss and its time that was addressed with him directly in the near future.
The next issues I had was my line manager was proving to be incompetent in his role and was unable to manage me correctly. I need to feel loved at work and valued but he just didn’t know what he was doing and our professional relationship broke down.
My relationship with money has never been great and its now becoming a major issue as most issues have been resolved or are under control. I have no plan with it or positive ideas to handle it better, I know what is required and its becoming a sticking point in my life.
I cant help but think its time to just box off the final issues and address them head on. I feel like I have tripped over a little on my comeback from my mental health and it started when I went back to my ex. It helped in many ways to get answers on things but just made me stumble a little and its important I see it a stumble and not a slide backwards.
I decided that I couldn’t get my ex out of my head so I decided to go back with a shield of protection around me. I have to admit its worked out very well for me as I got out of it exactly what I wanted. I’m now free of all that shit in my mind and I’ve met someone very new and different, a scouser of all people.
I feel very relaxed about life and whats next, the problems I am left with are with in my control. I have this burning desire to get even with someone and also to get my professional life back on track.
They are both are in my capacity to deal with and its something I need to do to put them behind me by action not words.
Scousers rule because I am a Liverpool fan but this particular scouser is changing my world in a positive way.
Life is feeling very positive now I have my soul mate next to me.
I write this with a little nervousness as every day is nothing more than a promise until it has arrived, so to be writing about 2019 is a touch optimistic with 2018 not complete.
If this year was the platform for my new life then next year has to be the delivery of the plan. The house is the number 1 priority and a holiday with little legs is number 2 but all in all I end 2018 in fine form and with a clear mind.
A new year always excites me as its a new book with 365 clean pages to write it how you like, I couldn’t imagine id write what I did this year but may god its been a great year.